Briefly Through the Recent Past

 

shared from long-time blog reader and friend,
Karen L of Illinois

It's been two weeks since my mother "opened her eyes to eternity." She was well past her 99th birthday, had lived a full life, and it was time. (I know some of you understand what I am saying here.) When quality of life has deteriorated drastically, we wonder within ourselves .... why? 

It occurred to me shortly after her passing that while patients may be limited in their outward understanding and communication with us, most likely God is speaking to them. Perhaps underneath the labored breathing and lack of communication with us, just maybe they are having fellowship with our Lord in preparation for their departure.

sympathy cards sent to my house

So many of you have sent your condolences via blog, Facebook, and text message comments, snail mail cards, and in face-to-face conversations. This has been much-appreciated. 

My friend CC from Colorado shared with me a thought that had come to her mind. The Bible speaks about death being swallowed up by life when we are believers. Sometimes we get that idea reversed, that loved ones passing away who knew the Lord were swallowed up by death. But the glorious truth is that when we pass away from this life, death is swallowed up by eternal life! Ponder that!

Sister (in blue) and me walking her neighborhood
Autumn 2019

If we are honest with ourselves, there are usually many questions flooding our thoughts when someone close to us dies, even for those of us who have been in close relationship with the Lord for a long time. As the recently-passed songwriter, Quincy Jones, was quoted as saying, "You find out who you are when you hit the valleys." I can agree with that. Sometimes it's not a pretty revelation. But I won't dwell on that today.

Mama and me
1950

My mother was my first girlfriend, with my sister coming two years later. Growing up, it was the 3 of us females with my Daddy, and from time to time a dog. Daddy's career choices as first an airline pilot and then in corporate aviation moved us from Oklahoma to Oregon, back to Oklahoma and on to New York. From there we spent years in California, Canada, New Jersey, back to Oklahoma and then Colorado. When another job transfer called Daddy to Illinois, I stayed behind in Colorado to marry (and then my husband's career took us cross country several times..... but that's another story). Mama had to deal with a lot of change over the years.

Mama (now called "Grammer")
with one of my newborn children

Due to all those moves in our growing up years, Sister and I were pretty close because we always had each other. Then in our adult years, always separated by at least a 2-day drive from each other, we have maintained that connection as much as circumstances would allow. We also stayed close in spirit with Mama, although that was a little easier for Sister since the two of them lived in the same state for the next 54 years. I have not lived geographically close to my mother since 1970. Life just did not work out that way for me.

deciding how to dress her

Of course, social media has made keeping in touch so much easier, including our preparation for Mama's funeral. I could not get up to Illinois in time to go with Sister to finalize the arrangements, so when decisions had to be made about what clothes Mama (her body) would wear in the casket, Sister laid out some options on the bed and texted them to me. We went back and forth just a little, then decided it would be this dress, sweater, and a pin. Mama had never got her ears pierced, and clip-on earrings were not to be found in her jewelry box, so the pin seemed a good idea. (it was removed before burial, for those who are wondering about such things)

Mama always had a "good sense of pretty," as I like to phrase it, so we certainly wanted her to look her best, even at this last page of her life, so to speak.

Practically speaking, as many of us as could, managed to travel to the far northwest Illinois farm country for the funeral. As opposed to a planned vacation, attending a funeral is seldom at a convenient time for most people. But we still had a good showing of family.

some of us 
from the south end of the table

The day before the service we all were descending on the home of Sister and her husband. They have a big kitchen and two dining tables are always ready for guests in the dining room, but the crowd required food, too. The best, most sensible option was to meet at a local restaurant for dinner.

The meal was hearty and it was good to see this much family in one place for the first time in a long time. The conversations flowed easily.

Mama, photo
from her church directory

I had every intention of taking lots of pictures that weekend but alas, it just didn't happen. Unusual for me, I simply forgot. I did take this one of Gary when we arrived at the church on funeral morning:

all dressed up

Since we wear what Gary refers to as "Florida casual" 99 percent of the time (Bermuda shorts, T-shirts, sandals or athletic shoes), it's not often that I get to see him like this. Mama would have heartily approved of his wardrobe choices that day.

I debated whether to wear dressy black slacks with a blouse and jacket and cute flats, but decided out of respect for my mother, I would chance being a little cold in the Illinois weather by wearing a dress with hose and coordinating sweater. But I don't have a picture of that. Her generation (and this speaks for me, too) appreciated the respectful "dressing up" for solemn occasions such as this.

flowers from the grand children
and great grandchildren

The visitation was very well-attended, as was the service to follow, and many stayed for the lunch provided in the fellowship hall by the church ladies. As far as I could tell, it all processed very smoothly. Two of my nieces shared from the pulpit a brief favorite memory of their grandmother and the pastor read a tribute my sister had written. 

Mama would have truly loved the music; she may have selected the hymns herself (I forgot to ask Sister).

Amazing Grace

Blessed Assurance

When We All Get to Heaven

It was a joy and comfort to me to stand beside Sister as we both sang the alto notes, a skill learned from our mother.

The burial had to be delayed by a couple of days so the body could be transported to a Chicago cemetery where our father (Daddy) is buried. The drive to the cemetery is 2-3 hours from where Sister lives now and we had reasons to get ourselves on the road back to Florida. We were not the only ones who could not attend the gravesite gathering, but after such a good funeral, we were there for the best parts of it all.

entrance gate to our
+55 retirement community

There were two more days of driving, which went blessedly well, and we were once again at home. Somewhere in all that travel we changed from Levi's, long sleeves, and socks to our shorts, T-shirts, and sandals. That's how it is when we travel from one climate to another!

one of my wall quilts
2013

When we left home, Halloween decorations were everywhere. With our return we saw all that was gone (what a relief; I'm not a fan), and now we can turn our attention to Thanksgiving. 

I have so much for which to be thankful; we all do, even in the worst of times. I am grateful for the many people who took care of my mother in both assisted living and the nursing home over the past 7 years. My sister watched over our mother and did countless tasks for her until outside help became an absolute necessity. I am thankful for all Sister did and continues to do now as the final matters are brought to a close. 

I am thankful both my mother and my father pointed me to Jesus all of my life. "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow," as the song says. 

I sincerely hope and pray the same can be said of you.

Until next time, grace and peace.